Discomfort

Avoiding discomfort has been a major life motivator for me. What kinds of discomfort do I avoid? Anything I perceive could initiate feelings of shame. No goal has ever been attractive if it involved easily stimulated feelings of shame. Any time or situation that put public eyes on me ran that risk. And because perfect performance was the only strategy I possessed to avoid shame, I never chose to expose myself by trying to accomplish something that might not be perfect. However, in reading Hidden Potential by Adam Grant and Anxiety Toolkit by Alice Boyes I have come to realize that avoiding discomfort has handicapped my learning. Polyglots who speak many languages are those who are willing to subject themselves to the discomfort of possible mistakes by constantly trying new things and learning from their mistakes. They are not people with special abilities in languages. I have avoided even the possibility of feedback in public speaking, for example, by refusing even to read scripture in my large church. I am moving forward to trying difficult things that I may fail at initially. Today, I went to Barnes & Noble and tried to get on their escalator, but when I froze and stepped away several times, I decided to bring my husband to ride behind me next, in attempting to grow into riding escalators. My avoidance and need to find elevators has been a hindrance for him previously, so he is a willing helper. I am challenging my grandson to overcome areas he avoids because of discomfort. I am sending him jokes in Spanish for him to tell his sister who is fluent and his teacher, who is unpleasant. He is an excellent performer in plays and musicals although only 12, so I asked him why he has no discomfort. He says, "People pay money to see me perform and come all the way out to my school, so they must want to hear me." What a novel thought? I am beginning to realize that not all feedback is designed to humiliate me. I over learned that belief from a very cruel and mentally ill mother who saw all my actions as having the potential to embarrass her, sometimes because she would brag that I could do or be something and demanded I live up to it. I have continued to believe that everyone else is on the lookout for my flaws as much as I am.